hospital thoughts

I've been at the hospital for over five years and apparently have had a myspace account for just as long.

Today, I revisited my blog posts over there
brought back some memories

Here you go (they get better towards the end):



Wednesday, September 06, 2006

indonesia

He walked towards me ten minutes till I was to escape my late night shift. His eyes were red and big and his hands trembled as he approached the counter, a full sandwich put together looking very good, a bottle of soda, a candy bar and a piece of pizza. He hiccupped. I assisted him with weighing the sandwich judging he was exhausted and apparently disoriented as he handed me his candy bar to pay for his total of seven dollars. No, that one is for you, he pulled out his wallet and told me and the women waiting behind him he couldn't believe it, he had dozed off in the lobby and woke up eight hours later and his wallet was still there on his lap and so was his money, that's Portland for you, very cool. A stack of cards and slips of paper and maybe some money hidden in the bunch, no I watched him carefully go through each slip checking for his money. I spotted currency, foreign, where is it from? But I saw the last half of the word Indonesia 1000. I received it the day before the Tsunami, I don't know how, I thought it would bring me good luck. I saw no sign of other bills. Are you sure no one took your money. oh I am sure, the first thing I checked when I woke up, I know I have it I better have it; 400 dollars worth. His hiccupps were worsening, I thought his heart just might jump out, his hands quivered as he checked all of his pockets and his socks and his medicine bottle, I just can't do this right now, his little strength had dwindled to mere desperation. How about you sit down right here, take your time, look through your wallet and your food will be right here. I helped the compassionate women behind him who you could tell were losing their patience. Finally a coworker came back from break I wasn't alone, I asked for advice with the man, he gave the go ahead without even knowing anything, we won't deny anyone food, no it's not policy but it's the right thing to do. I told the man, go ahead take your food, if you find the money later you can pay for it but if not don't worry about it. He came back to the counter no I have the money I have to. He started searching his wallet again with waning energy and frequent hiccups that shook his thin frame. It's here, behind my id he skimmed through the bills looking for a smaller one, let's do this again as I re-rung up his food. Sure enough he had hundreds there a smile on his face a sigh of relief. Well I guess Indonesia did bring you luck and I left my shift late.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Phia

phia, sophie, sophia

her wide blue eyes couldn't stop twinkling, you know that look in the eyes when someone is truly smiling inside

i think it was her grandmother and grandfather who brought her through my line first.

general patience growing shorter with the five year old

asking questions, of course

wondering why people are the way they are, i wonder too

she came through with her aunts,

nice women buying the helpless child food

she almost fit in with their own children, but not quite, the way they looked down at her in pure disbelief and slight annoyance

she had hope when you knew she was surrounded by suffering, she was bright and quick to comment on truth rarely anyone admits exists

i looked forward to seeing her come towards me with whomever might be feeding her that day

her mother the most impatient of them all, get over here, stop it

rolling her eyes and corralling her with her foot

where does the irritation stem, it doesn't make sense for i don't know what brought them to the hospital for weeks

her last day she asked me "are you my friend?"

i am your friend sophia

Saturday, October 28, 2006

beautiful day

it's a beautiful day

well yes I thought . . it was sunny, pleasant temperature, perfect summer afternoon

yes sir it is

my wife just woke up from a two month coma today

and she won't stop talking

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Sweater

He wore a brilliantly colored sweater, obviously homemade with a pattern that twisted your eyes. A colorful hand knit hat to match. But not matching like a mother would match, more as if a young boy had been dressed by his father. He was with a man, probably a young father himself, as they slowly moved through patricia's line. Anything to slow down her line a little more, she commented, I like your sweater. Tears filled the small man's eyes, my wife made it for me . . I'm sorry, she just died and I can't get over her. His son consoles him, pats him on the back, it's alright to cry Dad.




Saturday, October 28, 2006
Dysfunction
I've been found out. Two sisters together have the nerve to say anything. One is relieved that their mother's "friend" finally came to keep her company in the hospital. It's the first time she's not reluctant to see him; after all her mother kicked her out of the house so she could drink sherry and sit in the hot tub with him. I don't need to hear about their dysfunctional family says the other. I'm sure she hears about dysfunction all the time working up here, enough to write a book even.



Thursday, November 09, 2006
talk

working in a hospital, people want to talk

all sorts of people about all sorts of things

they think we want to know

at first I was caught off guard

mumbling some sort of response

hoping they wouldn't decipher my incompetence

then I soon found fun in remarking

not cleverly just unique

catching them off guard, admitting honesty

or sometimes I would borrow a phrase

those few words I would worry about scrambling

and never can quite tell what they infer

he was telling me about a movie, Flying Nuns

something just wasn't real

well I said, there's a time for everything

yes, he said yes there is

and sat there gazing out the bus window

marveling over my profound timing

3 = 1

3 Ends = 1 New Beginning

A lot has happened in the last three months and easily sums up my year


Ending #1:
Three months ago I ended my job with Green Hammer. If you've read my previous posts or know me, you might find this as a major surprise. But it's not tragic. After being there for a year and in the position of a part-time office and project coordinator, I was starting to feel a bit lost, unmotivated, not living up to my potential and most importantly I had trouble envisioning a growth path within the company. For a couple of reasons, neither of which reflect poorly on the team there or myself. First, they are a small business, they don't have the resources of a large business to offer me the experience I was after. Second, I felt like my role was developing into a receptionist/secretary with little structure or a path to higher ground. I was finding myself feeling unappreciated, not valued enough, unhappy. (In GH's defense, this was last winter when business was so low, there was not a lot going on for me to do and if I would have stuck it out long enough, I may have been able to accomplish my personal career goals - but I didn't) I quit. But with there support as you'll soon find out.


Ending #2:
Last week I was invited to the Habitat for Humanity dedication ceremony for the new Women Build house. I wasn't going to miss it. Even though I've slowly fallen off the page with the group I spent a good portion of last fall on the donation-in-kindness committee and was able to secure donations for all of the flooring in the house. Wood floors for the downstairs and Green Label Plus carpeting for the upstairs. I really wanted to see how it turned out or even if the companies actually followed through. I spent a lot of time that fall educating the other committee members about green products and how we could increase the health and comfort of the home by searching for sustainable options (this was a semi-novel idea for HfH because they weren't committed to making every home sustainable at that point, indicating that donaters wouldn't be willing to donate higher quality products) To my surprise when I showed up for the dedication, the house had been Earth Advantage Certified! All in all, it was pretty neat to see the final product look so good even though I had a minor role this year. I have a lot to owe HfH, actually I know I wouldn't be where I'm at now without the yearlong experience of building a house two years ago that I shyly endeavored.


Ending #3:
Yesterday was my last day working with the Sustainable Food Coordinator at OHSU. Eecole has been the most valuable mentor through my little career journey. Not only is she a remarkable role model but she has become one of my most supportive and biggest fans. We accomplished a lot in the last two years! And I very proud and honored to have been involved in such a major transformation in waste reduction at the largest university/hospital in oregon. I will miss my time in the office with Eecole, Justin and Riikka.



=


1 New Beginning:
All of these endings have led me to where I'm now. And I'm very happy to tell you that I was offered a job, out of the blue, to work in the Design + Construction Department at OHSU! I've been there for the last three months, slowly transitioning out of the Food and Nutrition department. And so far I love it, I can't believe how lucky I am and can't seem to stop bragging - I just can hardly believe how far I've come since that spring day when I showed up at a lot in North Portland to a foundation that I eventually would build a home on and become a member of the WB committee and become a well known volunteer. And last year when I was so anxious nervous, excited to apply to GH's internship and I thought the interview went terrible because I received no call until 6PM on the day they said they'd get back to me (I had already given up and said oh well). And then the day I went to talk to the Assistant Director of D+C, I sat in my car for minutes, almost deciding not to go in and bailing. Wow, what a relief I overcame my fears and followed my dream so persistently. And as I'm realizing of all that I have accomplished in the last two years, thinking of myself as just a young student not qualified really to lead anything, I am reminded of how much I have grown. As a testimate, I was nominated to be President of the NW Ecobuilding Guild this Spring, I declined and opted for the VP position but really as all of my fellow steering committee members were encouraging me, I am qualified to be President, public speaking skills and all!


More to come about my new job . . .

you are my favorite yellow

sometimes i don't always feel like writing

sometimes i do and i have a lot of fun

mostly i just want to collect pretty things

that's why i've started a new site

but don't worry, i still like to write

http://youaremyfavoriteyellow.tumblr.com/

pink

Everywhere I go
I see pink down the alley
canvassing across 11th ave
Across the street I see pink
And now pink on the ground
Puddles of pink
. . .
I put it in ink, to see pink
in our eyes and in our air
Whether man or woman, boy or babe,
it is a color we all Can admire
pink is here
Spring is pink

sean martin priest

I’m sitting in the office now,

With plenty to do, but first I must write you this letter

Sean,

this is harder to write than I thought, even though I’ve been writing it in my head while I was mindlessly performing my diet aide duties. My voice is calm, my hands are weak, my fingers have no dexterity and my center of gravity has dropped to my feet. It has been an honor to have been part of your family. You made all of us special. First and foremost, I thought about all you have done for your parents; when I saw you this week, it was your parents good nature, pure dedication, fun disposition, and full gratitude that surprised me. But it didn’t really surprise me, they have always been that way for you but what surprised me that night was how obvious it was that you were the source. Your family has been through more than most and some might not have made it but I credit you with holding them together. Of course, they may disagree but you definitely were the moon anchoring large water bodies. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately sean, especially when you were staying at the hospital where I work. I was so excited to share what I love about it here with you, I wanted your stay to be extra comfortable, it turned out you were an easy patient. I thought about all that this surgery would allow you to do. The movies you could go see with my dad, Avatar especially. The classes you could take at the community college. Playing games comfortably with our cousins. And most of all it would mean you could travel to Ireland! I was feeling optimistic about your future and your sense of being. It has been hard to watch you become more quiet at family dinners, not as interested in talking with cousins or playing games around the table. Not that I blamed you but more that I blamed myself for not knowing how to engage you. I remember our childhood at grandma’s, we would run around that yard of hers for every game possible and you were out there for all of them. You had a great sense of humor. You were smart and had two cute little sisters. I even remember you as a baby, I must have been around 3, it is one of my earliest memories of grandma’s house. We were in the kitchen, the quiet golden afternoon softness sort of kitchen. I really only remember what the kitchen felt like and that you were a baby in a baby carseat. Thick dark hair maybe, but there is also a picture to prove it. Your parents never missed a beat; they never let anyone feel sorry for them or for you, why would we? Sean, you added a rarely developed layer to your two younger sisters and fierce courage to do what’s right in your mom and you meant the world to your dad. I cannot even imagine how they will cope without you; their daily habits that included you but I do know that they are all incredible human beings because you were their family. You made amazing parents out of your mom and dad and made courageous, smart, compassionate women out of your beautiful sisters. You've left this world a better one. You will be missed, none of us were ready to say goodbye, but you will not be forgotten; even down to your little great niece, Isabella, who met you first out of all of her cousins. That night we visited you in the hospital when she was so shy, she repeated your name over and over on our way in and out “. . ean” “. . ean” “. . ean” (and she still won’t even call me by anything) you are special to her too. We can all but know that you are at peace now, you are in Ireland.

i love you, sean martin

earth warrior

i've been asking for a lot of advice lately

follow your heart

or

follow the money

i'm not sure either answer comes easy but i have found my self less worried by what i do for a living with the comfort of knowing that whatever i do, i will always be an earth warrior

(yep, i actually used that term to describe myself to our friend nathan when we were talking about the nonsense question, "so, what do you do?" that's really not as important as what you believe in)

anyways, it turns out i'm not so unique in thinking of myself in that light. i received my final copy of YES! magazine last week and this issue is titled: be a climate hero

It takes cashier climate heros and barista climate heros to help solve our global crisis just as much as it takes scientists and politicians. It's the little things that we can do (ask for recycling, buy organic, question authority) that really can create a mass movement. It really takes all industries, service providers and consumers to call for climate action. All of the recent efforts to mitigate climate would not be successful if we didn't have heros in every sector.

I can testify and brag a little bit about this phenomenon. I was a barista at a hospital and noticed the multitude of milk cartons filling the dumpsters every day. It seemed obvious that by recycling these, we would cut down on our trash output so I asked the manager if this was an option. A few months later we had a location to recycle the cartons. Little by little, I convinced my barista coworkers to take a simple extra step of rinsing the things and then recycling them. Now, three years later, I help run the waste reduction effort in the Food & Nutrition department at the hospital and every milk carton is recycled with almost 300 employees. Not only do we recycle milk cartons, we compost about 60% of the waste produced by the kitchen, patient food and our retail cafeteria and recycle just about everything under the sun that is recyclable. Our goal is to compost and recycle 93% of all of the waste produced. I can't for sure say this wouldn't have happened without my inquiry about recycling milk cartons as a barista but I can say, it certainly would not have been as extensive waste reduction success.

yesterday

today,

the sky reflected the trees